My husband’s grandfather passed away on Saturday, the man who raised him, and we all want to go home but can’t afford it. I hate that.
We haven’t been on a vacation this year because we couldn’t afford it. We even had to turn down an all-inclusive trip to Punta Cana I earned because we couldn’t afford the airfare. I hate that.
We have a beautiful back yard that we would love a new patio set for but just don’t have the money, even for a nice used one. Just like last year. In fact, the porch has been empty for more than a year since we moved in and the table by the pool we got for free is rusted and broken. I hate that.
I haven’t been able to afford to get my hair done, to buy new shorts or a bathing suit that fits, to shop for anything at all like most women do, or to get a little makeup so I feel better every day. I hate that.
We’ve been on two dates in the 5 months since Josh was born because we couldn’t afford a sitter, and we paid for both of those dinners with a gift card because it was the only way we could afford to go. I hate that.
Our house is still pretty empty, we can’t afford decor like new curtains and pictures, we don’t even have a working vacuum right now. A new grill, ladder, shop vac, and tires for our car are still at the top of our list. Like they have been, for months and months. I hate that.
I HATE that the things I can give, do, and the places I can go are all limited by finances. I realize that I could do many of these things if I used a credit card, but I don’t think paying for things with money I don’t have is the answer. So I work, hard, no matter how slowly I go. I refuse to give up. Because I don’t want this life forever. Am I grateful for what I have? Very. But that doesn’t mean I should’ve work for more. More freedom. More choices. More abundance. Less stress. Less restriction. Less saying no.
Lately I’ve been discouraged over the growth of my business, which has been so much slower than I expected. I do well, in the top 400 coaches out of 450,000, but I’m nowhere near where I wanted to be by now. No where. Especially for how hard I have worked and how much I have sacrificed for the last 2.5 years, from TV to a social life to relaxation. It’s humbling. Frustrating. Discouraging. Many people would have already given up 10,000 times over. So why haven’t I?
Because giving up doesn’t get me any closer to my goals. In fact, it takes me further. The only reason we are so tight again is because I make enough from my business to bridge the gap in my husband’s income, who took a job making less to be home more. My coaching business has already given us that freedom. That life change. It’s been amazing. But it’s also why we are back to being so tight, which is just where we started 2.5 years ago. So even though a lot has changed, it FEELS the same. If feels like nothing has, and that’s hard, right? When we are doing everything we can and feeling like, despite some positive changes, we are ultimately still in the same place?
I signed up because I didn’t even have the money to sign up. I didn’t even have the money to take care of ME. That told me I needed to make a change. I don’t want a life where I can’t take care of my body, shop for healthy foods, go on dates with my husband, fly home for joyful or sad family events, take vacations with our kids, shop a little here and there, give generously to our local church or organizations and people in need. I don’t want a life where my kid is constantly hearing “I’m sorry honey but we can’t afford that,” like I’ve been catching myself saying so often lately. About everything, it seems.
I will never forget where I came from. I will never forget that it is by God’s grace and strength that I’m where I am today. But I’m also not going to settle for this. I’m not going to stop here or get complacent. Because I want more. And that’s not wrong. I want financial freedom and I am willing to work as hard as it takes to get there, so we can live and give as God intended.
Yes, I thought I would be a lot further by now, but perhaps I’m being held here longer than I would like to inspire others who are in a simile position. Others who are doing all the right things and just not seeing the payoff yet. People like my own coaches who have little kids and just can’t and won’t work all day every day to get “there” FAST. People like my clients with PCOS and other health issues that make it harder for them to lose weight at the same pace as many. People like all those who are where I started, in debt, broke, unhappy, wanting and needing to do something about it. And if my story inspires someone else to keep going, to not give up, no matter how slow it feels like they are going or how far off their goals seem, then all this frustration and waiting is worth it.
I expected to be so much further by now, so much more successful, and I feel like I should be for all the work I’ve put in over the past 2.5 years. All the nights I’ve stayed up late working, got up early to work, worked through pregnancy exhaustion, sacrificed friends and a social life to focus on building a dream life for my family. It has not been easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. I just need to keep going. To stay strong. To believe in myself, and my team, and all the people God has yet to teach and help through us.
Change is a slow process, but I don’t want to make it slower by giving up. God is teaching me how to be patient, to rest in his timing. To work hard. To persevere. To believe. To trust. And to allow HIM to work in me and through me, rather then forcing it myself. I’m working HARD, I’m learning, I’m growing, and I’m doing my best to do it all HIS way, the right way, which means the timetable won’t always be like other people’s. In fact, it means it most certainly won’t.
These things that are hard lately, these things we can’t do, the constant financial struggle, is keeping me at the feet of Jesus and reminding me WHY I can’t give up. There’s so many other people who need this oppprtjnity, a way to help their families and change their finances for the better. And although an extra $2,000 a month isn’t much compared to what many of my fellow coaches are making, it has been enough to pay for SO many things and to allow my family so much more time TOGETHER!
I have to remember that the whole reason I signed up, the big WHY behind it all, was to create a life where my husband could be home more. Where he wasn’t missing every holiday, weekend, dinner and bedtime. Where my son wasn’t crying himself to sleep while he missed daddy. And thanks to God and a whole lot of hard work and persistence, that’s not our life anymore. So instead of dwelling on all that I have yet to accomplish, the way Satan wants me too so I’ll get discouraged and give up, I’m going to start focusing more on all I HAVE accomplished and all the lives I have already helped changed for the better, most importantly, my own. ️
If you’re feeling discouraged lately, I hope this helps. I hope you remember that goals are great but that it’s important to not just jump from one to the next in a constant chase. We need to slow down enough to celebrate our progress, to congratulate ourselves. to ENJOY the success we’ve already achieved instead of beating ourselves up over not having achieved more. Right?! We might not be where we intend to be but that doesn’t mean we can’t and shouldn’t celebrate each and every step along the way. Because if we don’t, I honestly don’t think we’ll ever make it. Big accomplishments take time, persistence and patience. In fact, the number one reason people fail to achieve their dreams, or anything, is because of a lack of persistence. We simply must refuse to give up, which is precisely what I intend to do.